Always With You
by XxScottishThistlexX
Summary: "There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go." Grief is something relatively new to the Pevensies, but they must learn to accept it and they must learn to let go...before they lose each other.
1. Peter

The rain was pouring down over Finchley from a restless grey sky. The weighty silence in the Pevensie household was broken only by the patter of droplets on the windows. The dark rooms were void of feeling; even the garden looked soulless as the once colourful flowers began to darken and wilt under the deluge. A flash of lightning briefly illuminated the dreary outside world before it was plunged once more in to semi-darkness.

Peter sat at his study desk, half shrouded in shadow as he struggled to read by candlelight. A power cut had been the last thing he needed. The longer it went on the more frustrated he became until finally, with a bad grace, he slammed his book shut and pushed it roughly across the table. Scowling, he rubbed his fingers over his temples and closed his eyes. He was tired and his stomach growled but he didn't feel hungry. Recently, his appetite for food had been replaced by a hunger for knowledge. It had become the main argument in the house; how little he ate and how little he was seen, but they didn't understand. He needed to learn: he needed to know how things were made, how things worked, how people lived long ago, how to understand astrology. He wanted to know anything, anything that would...No. No. His fingers curled in to fists and he pressed his knuckles in to his eye sockets until bright lights appeared in the darkness. Beside him, the candle flickered violently with a sudden draught but he was too deep in his own thoughts to notice until a voice drifted across the room.

"Peter?" His eyes snapped open and he spun round so fast he nearly fell off his seat. A figure stood framed in the doorway, shrouded in darkness. He took a moment to compose himself before releasing a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding.

"Lucy...What are you doing in here?" The young girl shot him an accusing look before approaching him, her arms crossed firmly over her chest.

"I'm in here to talk to you...You need to stop this." Peter frowned. What was she talking about? He opened his mouth to reply but she shushed him with a wave of her hand.

"You know what I'm talking about! You're shutting yourself away Peter...don't you realise what that's doing to everyone?" She gave him a long, hard stare that made him shift about uncomfortably. If he hadn't felt guilty before he certainly did now. Why did Lucy have that effect on people? He wasn't doing anything wrong...but right now he felt like a naughty schoolboy instead of the High King of Narnia. He scowled at her and shook his head as though trying to clear his thoughts.

"They don't understand..." He trailed off as his younger sister's eyes blazed and she stamped her foot in frustration.

"No, YOU don't understand. How many times did things go wrong in Narnia? How many times did we look to you for support or guidance or comfort? It wasn't just because you were the High King Peter...it was because you're our brother. Right now...the family needs you and you're just shutting yourself away." Her temper died and she looked about ready to cry. Peter's heart wrenched painfully in his chest and he reached a hand out towards her.

"Lucy..." She shook her head and took a step backwards.

"You need your family Peter...and we need you too." She paused, glancing at the book that had been abandoned on the desk. "Books will never be able to replace what you've lost." Peter followed her gaze and he felt his eyes fill with tears. What had he been doing all this time? Why had he been striving to block out his own grief without even bothering about the rest of his family? Lucy was right...she was always right. Why had he not realised all this before? What if it was too late?

"We ruled Narnia as a family Peter...that's why our reign was known as the Golden Age. Don't abandon us now, when we need you most..." Lucy's voice was pleading and as she spoke a small tear trickled slowly down her cheek. Peter watched the tear's silent journey and he felt a tug in his very soul. Aslan...Aslan was with him and he would give him the strength he needed. He was being a coward; a coward unwilling to face personal tragedy and willing to risk the love of his family because of it. It wasn't what a High King of Narnia would choose to do. A High King of Narnia would choose to continue doing his duty and his duty here was to be there for his siblings.

"Lu...I'm so sorry." He managed to murmur as his own tears began to fall. Lucy just smiled. She smiled with pride and rushed forward to hug her brother.

"I love you Peter. I'm always with you." The High King choked as he wrapped his arms round the Valiant Queen.

"And I with you..." Indeed she was taller and looked much as she had done before they returned through the wardrobe. He drew back in surprise and looked her up and down. Yes...she was Queen Lucy the Valiant again. As his eyes landed on her beautiful silver crown there was an almighty roar and Lucy's joyful laugh rang through his ears.

"Lucy!" Peter jerked awake only to find himself sitting at his desk, just as he had been before his sister's visit. The book remained firmly shut before him and he spared it a small glance before pushing himself roughly to his feet. It was time to put the books away - time to come out of hiding. The tears still ran freely down his cheeks but he felt different now. Aslan had brought him the strength and guidance he had needed...grief wasn't something to bear alone. His family needed him and he would make sure he was there for them from now on.


	2. Susan

A/N - I meant to put this note at the bottom of the last chapter so apologies for that! If you've read the first chapter you're probably a bit confused right now but don't worry, if you keep reading all will be revealed :) I won't say anymore than that but in the mean time see if you can work it out! I'm sure a few bright sparks out there will get it ;) enjoy!

The rumble of thunder overhead seemed more distant to Susan as she sat at her vanity table, slowly brushing her shining black locks. Her eyes were fixed intently on the mirror, seemingly drinking in her appearance, but one only had to look at her eyes to realise she was miles away. They had a certain glazed quality that only the very deepest of thinkers were able to gaze from.

Her make-up lay strewn over the table; every bottle more than half empty and every lipstick at least half used. She looked like a living replica of Snow White; her lips were the deepest red and her skin was pale with powder. She sat with the grace of a queen, but the air around her was thick with sorrow.

The power was still out. A small, spluttering candle was the only source of light but it was enough to allow Susan to see her reflection. The brush strokes began to slow, then, gradually, they stopped. No matter how hard she tried, she could not make herself as beautiful as she had been in Narnia. But back then, she had not been using her beauty as a shield. Sighing, she lowered the brush to the table, finally breaking eye contact with the mirror.

Susan had tried to be strong...she had tried so hard, especially after Peter had retreated in to his shell. Yet even she had crumpled and finally cracked under the strain. While her elder brother had locked himself away, she had used a mask. She hid behind the make-up, applying extra layers so the shadows under her eyes were completely hidden and the blotches on her cheeks were utterly invisible. She'd emotionally distanced herself from everyone, building a stone wall around her heart as she made herself appear aloof and uncaring. She didn't want anyone seeing her in pain. In an attempt to block it out, she had tried to make herself beautiful again, knowing that if she did it would help hide the memory of...

Her shoulders began to shake as she suppressed a sob, returning her gaze to the mirror. She longed to see her former self; wanting to know she was not living in a nightmare. As her eyes once more began to glaze there was movement behind her reflection and a figure stepped forward from the shadows. Susan blinked rapidly in shock, then she put on her sweetest smile, slipping on her mask.

"Lucy, what is it?" The young girl was hanging anxiously over her shoulder, staring with her in to the mirror.

"I have to help you Susan..." Susan felt her smile strain as her brows furrowed in confusion.

"What on earth are you talking about Lu?" Lucy's answering smile was small but sad, so very sad.

"When will you realise how beautiful you are? You don't need any of this." Lucy raised a hand and gestured at her sister's reflection before pointing to the make-up lying across the table. Susan felt her throat tighten but she tried to laugh the comment off, shaking her head slowly. Why did no one understand? Why did LUCY not understand? Surely her little sister had some sympathy with her?

"Oh Lucy. I..."

"You don't need to hide behind a mask, Susan." Lucy's voice was so quiet Susan had to strain to hear it. The smile was instantly wiped off her face and her eyes widened in shock. They locked with Lucy's through the mirror and her heart wrenched at the pain reflected in them. She opened her mouth to reply but no words would come out. How had she known?

"I'm not..." The look Lucy shot her was enough to render her silent. Her younger sister had always been too perceptive. She tried to shake her head but Lucy was faster, her voice firm even though her eyes were filled with tears.

"Don't lie. You are...and you need to stop." Susan glanced away from Lucy, focusing on her own reflection. Could Lucy really not understand? She couldn't stop. If she stopped now, she would have to face the truth...and crash back to reality.

"Lucy. I ca..."

"Yes, you can!" Susan jumped at the forceful tone and her eyes swivelled back to Lucy. The candle light was creating a haze around her reflection but Susan could see the blazing determination in her sister's eyes.

"When things went wrong in Narnia, when we were threatened or hurt, you could have been dressed in only your petticoats and you would have came to us. You didn't need make-up to hide your fear then, you never wore a mask for anyone...that's why you were so loved by the Narnians." She paused then added on the breath of a whisper, "and by your family..."

Susan felt tears fill her eyes and realised that for the first time in a long time, she wasn't trying to hold them back. Why had she forgotten? She had never retreated behind her make-up and fine clothes in Narnia. She'd never distanced herself from anyone who needed her help, no matter how upset or afraid she herself was. Sensing victory Lucy pressed on, a tear trickling down her own cheek as she fought to bring her sister out her own shell.

"You're just as beautiful here as you were there Susan...and even if you weren't, we're your family and we wouldn't have loved you any less." Susan closed her eyes as the tears began to fall freely down her cheeks. She felt Lucy's hand resting gently on her shoulder as she moved to comfort her. Oh Lucy...

"You were called gentle because of your caring heart Susan..the more you strive for beauty, the more you hide that heart away. The family...they need their Gentle Queen back. They need that gentle heart. The one our subjects loved so dearly."

Susan began to sob as she realised the truth of Lucy's words. She thought she had been trying to bring back the beauty of her adulthood, to prove she wasn't living in a nightmare. Now...now she realised she'd been hiding herself away from her own family, leaving them to live through it on their own. She had pushed herself away in order to deal with her own pain. She hadn't even considered how they would cope without her. How could she have been so blind? In Narnia she would have frowned on such behaviour yet here she was, abandoning her family. Even if she had no subjects to rule, she was still a queen.  
As the realisation hit her, her eyes snapped open and she found she was staring at her reflection once more. But this time, she didn't lament that she wasn't older and more beautiful. This time, she could see Queen Susan the Gentle and she vowed she would never be otherwise again.

"Lucy...I..." As she looked towards her sister's reflection her mouth fell open in shock. Lucy was taller, her full height in fact, and she was wearing a dress of the palest blue...just like her eyes. Her joyous smile was dazzling and she could see that laughter was bubbling beneath the surface. As Susan's gaze travelled higher she saw the intricate silver crown placed delicately on her sister's head and she felt the corner of her lips twitch in to a smile. They were both still Queens of Narnia.

Susan's eyes glazed over once more but it was with pure joy instead of crushing sadness. As she stared in to the imaginary distance the view behind the mirror changed. A luscious green meadow spread as far as the eye could see and the sun shone so brightly Susan had to squint. She felt Lucy's arms around her, sharing in her joy.

"I love you Su." When she started to laugh, her voice echoed over the plain and Susan let out her own laugh as in the distance, a lion began to roar...

The door to her room flew open as Susan let out a startled gasp and toppled backwards off her seat. She'd been gazing so intently in to the mirror she hadn't heard her sister leave, or, later, the approaching footsteps. She scrambled to her feet and spun round, her eyes still wide with shock as she struggled to return from the mirror. There, looking as flustered as she felt, stood Peter. His eyes locked with hers and Susan knew...she knew, as they both opened their mouths to speak.

"Lucy."


End file.
